I’m often asked this question, sometimes because people have no previous experience of counselling and other times because people want to have some understanding of how it differs from individual counselling.

In the first session, after initial introductions and settling into the space, I start by taking a few details from each of you, run through an agreement and explain confidentiality and other matters that relate directly to the process of couple counselling. From that point there is no fixed pattern, but I will often ask each of you why you are coming to couple counselling and what you are hoping to gain from the experience. I might also ask you what the strengths and weaknesses of the relationship are and what you would like to explore and/or improve. If there is some agreement here between the two of you, that would usually be where the work starts. If there is disagreement here then we would usually start be exploring that disagreement.

Usually couples who come to counselling are looking at improving or saving their relationship. Sometimes however, couples come to explore their relationship in order to decide whether to stay together or not. It is also not uncommon for couples to attend after the relationship has come to an end and explore how to part, minimising the pain for themselves and those affected. I have also worked with other couples that are in different types of relationships, such as important friendships, family or sibling relationships, or arrangements that might not fit the usual description of primary relationships.

It is part of my role to remain an advocate for the relationship itself, making sure I don’t take ‘sides’ in any disagreement and instead to focus my attention on resolution and understanding within the relationship. It can also be necessary for me to help you establish a new way of communicating, helping to stem the tide of damage that may have caused the some of the problems in the first place.

Often couples will learn how to listen fully to one another and communicate without defence or attack. Learning how to attend to your own needs as well as the needs of your partner and the relationship itself can promote fundamental change. There may also be some exercises or processes that help repair any damage that has been done, rebuild trust that has been lost and rekindle love that has faded.

Some of the challenges that couple counselling can be helpful in resolving:

Communication and responsibility
Past experience impacting current relationship
Physical, sexual or psychological abuse, within the relationship or elsewhere, past or present
Bereavement
Physical intimacy / sex
Seperation
Affairs
Breakdown in trust
Retirement
Children
Conflict around money, home life, social life or families
Resentment
Venerability